And in that time, I've turned down a possible opportunity to be a NYC Housewife and had a third baby, a girl named Jade. Amazing how your life can change in a matter of time. Three kids, who would have thought me??? Not me, of course! But here it is - two boys and a baby girl. They're lovely, fun and refreshing. I know these are the so-called cherish years and yet, I can easily become the crazed mom who needs a 911 to Supernanny.
It's amazing that until recently (3 weeks) I went to work everyday, all day and many a night, and now I'm a full-time mommy with two sitters and feel more disorganized than ever. Working was very stressful and challenging trying to juggle it all, but this - being at home - might be more difficult than I realized. I give it up to all stay-home moms and in awe of how they "do it" - stay organized, blog, tweet, have a life and run a household. There's no break. There's no desk, no room where I can shut the door and have my own personal printer. There's my blackberry with my battery that shorts quickly and is no longer opening attachments, and there is my laptop, albeit it's shared with my eight-year old who downloads video games aging my PC to the point of feeling like I have a dial-up connection.
When you're working you have an excuse to have your own life. It's your time that you can somewhat do what you want. You leave the house, and you're not expected to be back until your done. You get someone else to clean and watch your kids.
When you're home however, it's now all up to you. Sheesh, maybe working was the way to go. Mmmm... the grass is always greener.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
What Are Moms Out There Doing in the World?
I really love to know how other mothers are living their lives: working full-time, mom-preneaurs; part-timers; stay-at-home raising their kids themselves moms; moms who are not working outside the home but still have nannies; single moms and any other type of mom I may have left out.
I want to know:
- how are you managing your time
- how often you have date nights with hubby (or sex) and do you even want to
- how firm or soft are you on your nannies/babysitters
- are you a blogger and why?
- how do you feel about working and raising your children
- are you content; happy; in-love; feel you're on top of everything
- are you lonely; do you have enough friends; do you still hang with the girls
- what are the expectations of play dates - are you involved in the date or do you let the children play on their own; how do you make play dates for your child and how often?
- do you feel responsible for everything in your household
- how or why did you decide to work or not to work
- are you living your passion or are you paying the bills
- have you made new mom friends, and what have felt about making mom friends
- how do you spend your days? Are you and your kids on a schedule? What time do your kids sleep? How much time do you get to sleep?
- do your kids listen to you? Do you yell at your kids? Do you feel your discipline methods work? Do you feel like you're always saying "no?"
- what are the secrets to your success
- what areas would you like to see an improvement in
Feel free to email me!
I want to know:
- how are you managing your time
- how often you have date nights with hubby (or sex) and do you even want to
- how firm or soft are you on your nannies/babysitters
- are you a blogger and why?
- how do you feel about working and raising your children
- are you content; happy; in-love; feel you're on top of everything
- are you lonely; do you have enough friends; do you still hang with the girls
- what are the expectations of play dates - are you involved in the date or do you let the children play on their own; how do you make play dates for your child and how often?
- do you feel responsible for everything in your household
- how or why did you decide to work or not to work
- are you living your passion or are you paying the bills
- have you made new mom friends, and what have felt about making mom friends
- how do you spend your days? Are you and your kids on a schedule? What time do your kids sleep? How much time do you get to sleep?
- do your kids listen to you? Do you yell at your kids? Do you feel your discipline methods work? Do you feel like you're always saying "no?"
- what are the secrets to your success
- what areas would you like to see an improvement in
Feel free to email me!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
A Chance Encounter of Two Moms
The other day while pampering myself with a manicure on the UWS I noticed a pregnant woman having herself pedicure. She had a sweet freckled face, shoulder length shiny black hair (pregnancy does that to you)and was wearing comfortable cotton long white sleeve Tee and black pants. Moments later, I see what I think is the same pregnant woman but she's wearing a black Tee. After thinking I'm completely whacked, I realize that I'm now facing two pregnant women who could be sisters - only one is wearing a white T and the other a black one. They however have not noticed each other.
Finding this encounter most coincidental, I say, "Hello, meet your twin!" Both taken back with my forthcoming observation, they also did a double-take.
But the serendipity of the meeting doesn't stop there. After a few exchanges, they found out they have more in common than their 34-weeks of pregnancy. They're both teachers, live on the UWS, have husbands in finance and plan not to work after their first-borns. The chatting didn't stop there, and all the while I was silently smiling about this good deed that I brought to these two women - friendship. A new mom friend, a new mom best friend who lived nearby. These women should be singing my praises I thought. But to my dismay as they departed they did not exchange cards, phone numbers, email addresses or even last names. All they managed to say is "I'll see you around in the hood." What?, I say to myself? What the heck are you doing? "No,oooo - hurry, quick, get out a pen and write down every bit of information you can, because whether you think you have enough friends or not, after that baby is born, you'll be crying out for one another."
Having mom friends are essential to your sanity, to your well-being, and to your mom savvy-ness.
The meeting of these two women was organically perfect for a fabulous friendship to spring and grow. Little did they know or realize the loneliness or frustration the almost always come with it, and little did they understand that having just one mom friend who is accessible can make all the difference to their mommy disposition and contentment.
I ask myself, should I have spoken up for their shyness and told them, "Stop right there and exchange information, damnit! or I will for you." I didn't though... because of my own shyness about making a new mom friend.
Finding this encounter most coincidental, I say, "Hello, meet your twin!" Both taken back with my forthcoming observation, they also did a double-take.
But the serendipity of the meeting doesn't stop there. After a few exchanges, they found out they have more in common than their 34-weeks of pregnancy. They're both teachers, live on the UWS, have husbands in finance and plan not to work after their first-borns. The chatting didn't stop there, and all the while I was silently smiling about this good deed that I brought to these two women - friendship. A new mom friend, a new mom best friend who lived nearby. These women should be singing my praises I thought. But to my dismay as they departed they did not exchange cards, phone numbers, email addresses or even last names. All they managed to say is "I'll see you around in the hood." What?, I say to myself? What the heck are you doing? "No,oooo - hurry, quick, get out a pen and write down every bit of information you can, because whether you think you have enough friends or not, after that baby is born, you'll be crying out for one another."
Having mom friends are essential to your sanity, to your well-being, and to your mom savvy-ness.
The meeting of these two women was organically perfect for a fabulous friendship to spring and grow. Little did they know or realize the loneliness or frustration the almost always come with it, and little did they understand that having just one mom friend who is accessible can make all the difference to their mommy disposition and contentment.
I ask myself, should I have spoken up for their shyness and told them, "Stop right there and exchange information, damnit! or I will for you." I didn't though... because of my own shyness about making a new mom friend.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Thoughts on Carrie B. & Blogging
I think the character on Sex N the City, Carrie Bradshaw, was the one of the origins that spawned the passion for blogging (hey it's just a thought). After all, she made the columnist's life quite appealing. And, let's face it, if we could live our ideal character life's, Carrie's wouldn't seem so bad.
For one, apparently she gets to live a fab life on a columnist's salary in one of the most notoriously fab's city, NYC. She hardly ever seems that ruffled about too much. In fact, at times, she's content and happy. However she does have her contemplating moments that are seriously expressed in her well-known fab column. She's paid to voice her insights, observations and concerns to the world. What's more empowering than having people wanting to read your thoughts, your words of intellect, wisdom, inspiration or even your rants? (A blog, perhaps?)
Another point not to miss is many of the perks that seem to come with her life.
Did you say, Manolo as in Blahnik? Not only does she have this infinite collection that could turn her rare NYC walk-in wardrobe into a mini-walk-up boutique, she actually wears every pair and can languidly walk all over in the city without a complaint.
On a less superficial level, Carrie also has three uniquely beautiful and true friends that are never to busy to be by her side. Meeting for breakfast, lunch, drinks and dinner, the four never seem to have any of the normal logistical and economical complications that most New Yorkers face when they don't live in the same neighborhood.
Finally, Carrie has a fab body without breaking a sweat that looks good in any wacky trendy couture or vintage outfit.
In sum, Carrie's character was and remains an inspiration to many of us NY gals (in particular). She had the guys the best girlfriends, the shoes and her articulately insightful column that talked about the one thing that many of us girls have been interested in since we were thirteen - the hope and sustainability of true love. Although Carrie now lives in the syndicated world, she and her friends are still highly revered, memorable and aspirational to many us who watch her at 11pm with commericials.
For one, apparently she gets to live a fab life on a columnist's salary in one of the most notoriously fab's city, NYC. She hardly ever seems that ruffled about too much. In fact, at times, she's content and happy. However she does have her contemplating moments that are seriously expressed in her well-known fab column. She's paid to voice her insights, observations and concerns to the world. What's more empowering than having people wanting to read your thoughts, your words of intellect, wisdom, inspiration or even your rants? (A blog, perhaps?)
Another point not to miss is many of the perks that seem to come with her life.
Did you say, Manolo as in Blahnik? Not only does she have this infinite collection that could turn her rare NYC walk-in wardrobe into a mini-walk-up boutique, she actually wears every pair and can languidly walk all over in the city without a complaint.
On a less superficial level, Carrie also has three uniquely beautiful and true friends that are never to busy to be by her side. Meeting for breakfast, lunch, drinks and dinner, the four never seem to have any of the normal logistical and economical complications that most New Yorkers face when they don't live in the same neighborhood.
Finally, Carrie has a fab body without breaking a sweat that looks good in any wacky trendy couture or vintage outfit.
In sum, Carrie's character was and remains an inspiration to many of us NY gals (in particular). She had the guys the best girlfriends, the shoes and her articulately insightful column that talked about the one thing that many of us girls have been interested in since we were thirteen - the hope and sustainability of true love. Although Carrie now lives in the syndicated world, she and her friends are still highly revered, memorable and aspirational to many us who watch her at 11pm with commericials.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Why Creating a Mini-me May Not be so Good.
Not that long ago on the news, the Today Show - okay, so that's my version of the news - they ran a segment about Hipster parents. An emerging trend among new parents who are determined to make their children extension of themselves, more or less. You know, cool and hip like they are. These parents are resolved not to let their newly born (or children) dictate their music tastes, TV channels or even their schedules. That's right, no generational gaps here because their kids will grow up listening to the Beatles, Counting Crows or whomever it is they like as long as it's not Barney. Instead of making a life that revolves around the kids, the kids' lives will revolve around the parents.
This made a lot of sense to me about seven years ago as my hub and I were impending the birth of our first child. We had the similar thought that our child wasn't going to change or rather wreak havoc and stymie our lifestyle. No, we were determined to make that little person malleable and fit into our schedule versus the other way around.
Although we were happy about our yet-to-be-born son, we were still under this very naive and false selfish pretense about what it meant to have a baby. In some way, we (well, at least myself) viewed our baby as a house guest. Only, he was going to be a permanent one because his house was also our house and this scared the heck out of me.
I remember the first time I opened up the closet door to our yet-to-be-born son's room, which at the time I still labeled it our second bedroom, and saw his baby clothes hanging there. It was strange mix of disbelief and reality seeing all this baby stuff occupying the space that had solely been ours. Somehow it felt like an invasion.
No matter how much love we had for our permanent visitor, he was not going to be taking over our lives as we knew it, nor our household. At that time I recall not even wanting a crib right away. I viewed it as unwarranted clutter for a newborn since I was aware that they either sleep on your chest or in a bassinet. I was going to be a minimalist and only wanted the core necessities pertinent for each stage.
Just like those "Hipster parents" I thought I had it all figured out. Our baby and subsequent ones, would be like us - our mini-extensions who would do as we do, sleep when we sleep, eat when we eat and eat what we eat, and wouldn't even watch TV(although we do).
We believed this would enable our child to be adaptable and comfortable with the unstructured life. I mean we were happy with being ourselves and our spontaneous lives so why wouldn't our kids be happy being like us and living the way we do.
Because... kids are not us. They are not mini-adults no matter how hip and cool we dress them. They have their own needs, preferences and agendas. And when it comes to schedules, they do need their own, based on their developmental needs. Although these schedules might seem like a lock-down for us, it gives our kids a routine they can depend on, a feeling of control that helps ignite the process of self-regulation - which actually provides them with an understanding of who they are and what they need. In turn, this is what helps them to become people who can accommodate change and be more flexible humans after all.
It has only taken me seven years to learn all this. Too bad, for my children and myself, I didn't know it before. Life may have been easier, less stressed and more enjoyable.
But, I know it now, and as I look back I understand that I thought having my child be who I was - was okay - and sure I do like myself and life to say, "what's wrong with that? That's cool." However, what I have realized is that being who they are is much better than okay or even cool - it's extraordinary watching your child be exactly their own unique self.
So my message to all these newly hipster parents of yet-to-be-born and newborns is that when someone sends over the Wiggles DVD, dance and sing with your kids - it's okay. It won't deafen their ears to appreciate "our" music or create huge generational gaps. We parents can do that all by ourselves - by not truly appreciating and listening to who are kids are and what they prefer because we are still intent on making them appreciate and listen to who we are and what we prefer.
This made a lot of sense to me about seven years ago as my hub and I were impending the birth of our first child. We had the similar thought that our child wasn't going to change or rather wreak havoc and stymie our lifestyle. No, we were determined to make that little person malleable and fit into our schedule versus the other way around.
Although we were happy about our yet-to-be-born son, we were still under this very naive and false selfish pretense about what it meant to have a baby. In some way, we (well, at least myself) viewed our baby as a house guest. Only, he was going to be a permanent one because his house was also our house and this scared the heck out of me.
I remember the first time I opened up the closet door to our yet-to-be-born son's room, which at the time I still labeled it our second bedroom, and saw his baby clothes hanging there. It was strange mix of disbelief and reality seeing all this baby stuff occupying the space that had solely been ours. Somehow it felt like an invasion.
No matter how much love we had for our permanent visitor, he was not going to be taking over our lives as we knew it, nor our household. At that time I recall not even wanting a crib right away. I viewed it as unwarranted clutter for a newborn since I was aware that they either sleep on your chest or in a bassinet. I was going to be a minimalist and only wanted the core necessities pertinent for each stage.
Just like those "Hipster parents" I thought I had it all figured out. Our baby and subsequent ones, would be like us - our mini-extensions who would do as we do, sleep when we sleep, eat when we eat and eat what we eat, and wouldn't even watch TV(although we do).
We believed this would enable our child to be adaptable and comfortable with the unstructured life. I mean we were happy with being ourselves and our spontaneous lives so why wouldn't our kids be happy being like us and living the way we do.
Because... kids are not us. They are not mini-adults no matter how hip and cool we dress them. They have their own needs, preferences and agendas. And when it comes to schedules, they do need their own, based on their developmental needs. Although these schedules might seem like a lock-down for us, it gives our kids a routine they can depend on, a feeling of control that helps ignite the process of self-regulation - which actually provides them with an understanding of who they are and what they need. In turn, this is what helps them to become people who can accommodate change and be more flexible humans after all.
It has only taken me seven years to learn all this. Too bad, for my children and myself, I didn't know it before. Life may have been easier, less stressed and more enjoyable.
But, I know it now, and as I look back I understand that I thought having my child be who I was - was okay - and sure I do like myself and life to say, "what's wrong with that? That's cool." However, what I have realized is that being who they are is much better than okay or even cool - it's extraordinary watching your child be exactly their own unique self.
So my message to all these newly hipster parents of yet-to-be-born and newborns is that when someone sends over the Wiggles DVD, dance and sing with your kids - it's okay. It won't deafen their ears to appreciate "our" music or create huge generational gaps. We parents can do that all by ourselves - by not truly appreciating and listening to who are kids are and what they prefer because we are still intent on making them appreciate and listen to who we are and what we prefer.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Why Does The Grass Always Seem Greener?
After the first 4-days or so, the honeymoon of not working is becoming more like the reality of being married. There's still work involved. The only difference is that I'm no longer being paid for it.
While the stress of corporate life has evaporated (although it still haunts me), a new stress of non-corporate-working as entered the picture - the stress of feeling productive. Somehow not working, not being on any one's time table and not bringing home a paycheck seems wrong. That voice of guilt in my head says that you should work, because, after all, you're healthy and capable. Not generating an income when you can is a waste!
Okay, so maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but then I have to honestly ask the question, "Is my life really that much better (like I had daydreamed on occasion) by not working in corporate America?" I'm not necessarily completing my "to-do" list. I still procrastinate (just now I no longer have a justifiable excuse of work). I still feel overwhelmed, worried, anxious about making decisions or future plans like what to do with the kids for the summer (only now it's because of money, not time). I'm also exhausted by the end of evening and would rather watch TV and veg-out versus having a meaningful dialogue with my husband. Finally, I have realized that time is still not on my side. In fact, I'm finding that time zips by faster than ever. And although I've made this discovery, I'm still under the illusion that by not-working I'll be able to make-up for the missing time and get the things I put off or didn't accomplish the following day. But the joke's on me because the next day I have a bigger "to-do" list and less time. So perhaps, I think, I was better off working. At least then I had a legitimate excuse and I was paid for it.
But wait!!! The income didn't buy me time with my kids. Nor did it allow me to cook for them, help them with their homework, put them to bed at a reasonable time and have patience with them. It didn't allow me to see their delighted faces when I pick them up at school, watch them play at the park and accomplish some physical feat they never had before. And it wouldn't have let me be there when my son lost his first baby tooth.
With that said, I ask, what's the real waste?
While the stress of corporate life has evaporated (although it still haunts me), a new stress of non-corporate-working as entered the picture - the stress of feeling productive. Somehow not working, not being on any one's time table and not bringing home a paycheck seems wrong. That voice of guilt in my head says that you should work, because, after all, you're healthy and capable. Not generating an income when you can is a waste!
Okay, so maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but then I have to honestly ask the question, "Is my life really that much better (like I had daydreamed on occasion) by not working in corporate America?" I'm not necessarily completing my "to-do" list. I still procrastinate (just now I no longer have a justifiable excuse of work). I still feel overwhelmed, worried, anxious about making decisions or future plans like what to do with the kids for the summer (only now it's because of money, not time). I'm also exhausted by the end of evening and would rather watch TV and veg-out versus having a meaningful dialogue with my husband. Finally, I have realized that time is still not on my side. In fact, I'm finding that time zips by faster than ever. And although I've made this discovery, I'm still under the illusion that by not-working I'll be able to make-up for the missing time and get the things I put off or didn't accomplish the following day. But the joke's on me because the next day I have a bigger "to-do" list and less time. So perhaps, I think, I was better off working. At least then I had a legitimate excuse and I was paid for it.
But wait!!! The income didn't buy me time with my kids. Nor did it allow me to cook for them, help them with their homework, put them to bed at a reasonable time and have patience with them. It didn't allow me to see their delighted faces when I pick them up at school, watch them play at the park and accomplish some physical feat they never had before. And it wouldn't have let me be there when my son lost his first baby tooth.
With that said, I ask, what's the real waste?
Saturday, May 5, 2007
What Are You Famous For?
Recently while I have been exploring my opportunities, that is interviewing, to my surprise I've learned that on the list of "most frequently asked" questions is, "So tell me, what are you famous for?" Taken back, the only quick-witted answer I could provide is "that depends on how you define fame." It let me off the hook, but now I realize that I need to come up with an answer to what I could possibly be famous for, or, rather, have a good reason as to why I have not gone out in the world of strategic planning and made a name for myself.
In today's business world, self-promoting seems to be the magic ingredient to any successful and sustainable career. I wonder if they are now teaching this in business school?
No longer is it about the work you do, but it's also about how you tell others or let them know about the work you do, a.k.a, self-promotion. Write a book and it tells the world that you are an expert. You have enough knowledge and confidence to say your opinion, state your beliefs and devise a winning strategy for others to follow. Have your picture taken in several photo opps and it tells people that you are indeed popular and that everyone should know you or at least want to get to know you because you're invited or attend all the right events. Get published in your career's trade magazine and you become an intellect, a person who has a point of view and is not afraid to use it.
Whatever it is that you choose to do - don't worry - you just need to choose something and make sure you're not sitting on your laurels working as a team member being another cog in the wheel; you need to become the wheel... of your fame and your fortune.
In today's business world, self-promoting seems to be the magic ingredient to any successful and sustainable career. I wonder if they are now teaching this in business school?
No longer is it about the work you do, but it's also about how you tell others or let them know about the work you do, a.k.a, self-promotion. Write a book and it tells the world that you are an expert. You have enough knowledge and confidence to say your opinion, state your beliefs and devise a winning strategy for others to follow. Have your picture taken in several photo opps and it tells people that you are indeed popular and that everyone should know you or at least want to get to know you because you're invited or attend all the right events. Get published in your career's trade magazine and you become an intellect, a person who has a point of view and is not afraid to use it.
Whatever it is that you choose to do - don't worry - you just need to choose something and make sure you're not sitting on your laurels working as a team member being another cog in the wheel; you need to become the wheel... of your fame and your fortune.
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