Why Creating a Mini-me May Not be so Good.

Not that long ago on the news, the Today Show - okay, so that's my version of the news - they ran a segment about Hipster parents. An emerging trend among new parents who are determined to make their children extension of themselves, more or less. You know, cool and hip like they are. These parents are resolved not to let their newly born (or children) dictate their music tastes, TV channels or even their schedules. That's right, no generational gaps here because their kids will grow up listening to the Beatles, Counting Crows or whomever it is they like as long as it's not Barney. Instead of making a life that revolves around the kids, the kids' lives will revolve around the parents.
This made a lot of sense to me about seven years ago as my hub and I were impending the birth of our first child. We had the similar thought that our child wasn't going to change or rather wreak havoc and stymie our lifestyle. No, we were determined to make that little person malleable and fit into our schedule versus the other way around.
Although we were happy about our yet-to-be-born son, we were still under this very naive and false selfish pretense about what it meant to have a baby. In some way, we (well, at least myself) viewed our baby as a house guest. Only, he was going to be a permanent one because his house was also our house and this scared the heck out of me.
I remember the first time I opened up the closet door to our yet-to-be-born son's room, which at the time I still labeled it our second bedroom, and saw his baby clothes hanging there. It was strange mix of disbelief and reality seeing all this baby stuff occupying the space that had solely been ours. Somehow it felt like an invasion.
No matter how much love we had for our permanent visitor, he was not going to be taking over our lives as we knew it, nor our household. At that time I recall not even wanting a crib right away. I viewed it as unwarranted clutter for a newborn since I was aware that they either sleep on your chest or in a bassinet. I was going to be a minimalist and only wanted the core necessities pertinent for each stage.
Just like those "Hipster parents" I thought I had it all figured out. Our baby and subsequent ones, would be like us - our mini-extensions who would do as we do, sleep when we sleep, eat when we eat and eat what we eat, and wouldn't even watch TV(although we do).
We believed this would enable our child to be adaptable and comfortable with the unstructured life. I mean we were happy with being ourselves and our spontaneous lives so why wouldn't our kids be happy being like us and living the way we do.
Because... kids are not us. They are not mini-adults no matter how hip and cool we dress them. They have their own needs, preferences and agendas. And when it comes to schedules, they do need their own, based on their developmental needs. Although these schedules might seem like a lock-down for us, it gives our kids a routine they can depend on, a feeling of control that helps ignite the process of self-regulation - which actually provides them with an understanding of who they are and what they need. In turn, this is what helps them to become people who can accommodate change and be more flexible humans after all.
It has only taken me seven years to learn all this. Too bad, for my children and myself, I didn't know it before. Life may have been easier, less stressed and more enjoyable.
But, I know it now, and as I look back I understand that I thought having my child be who I was - was okay - and sure I do like myself and life to say, "what's wrong with that? That's cool." However, what I have realized is that being who they are is much better than okay or even cool - it's extraordinary watching your child be exactly their own unique self.
So my message to all these newly hipster parents of yet-to-be-born and newborns is that when someone sends over the Wiggles DVD, dance and sing with your kids - it's okay. It won't deafen their ears to appreciate "our" music or create huge generational gaps. We parents can do that all by ourselves - by not truly appreciating and listening to who are kids are and what they prefer because we are still intent on making them appreciate and listen to who we are and what we prefer.

Why Does The Grass Always Seem Greener?

After the first 4-days or so, the honeymoon of not working is becoming more like the reality of being married. There's still work involved. The only difference is that I'm no longer being paid for it.
While the stress of corporate life has evaporated (although it still haunts me), a new stress of non-corporate-working as entered the picture - the stress of feeling productive. Somehow not working, not being on any one's time table and not bringing home a paycheck seems wrong. That voice of guilt in my head says that you should work, because, after all, you're healthy and capable. Not generating an income when you can is a waste!
Okay, so maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but then I have to honestly ask the question, "Is my life really that much better (like I had daydreamed on occasion) by not working in corporate America?" I'm not necessarily completing my "to-do" list. I still procrastinate (just now I no longer have a justifiable excuse of work). I still feel overwhelmed, worried, anxious about making decisions or future plans like what to do with the kids for the summer (only now it's because of money, not time). I'm also exhausted by the end of evening and would rather watch TV and veg-out versus having a meaningful dialogue with my husband. Finally, I have realized that time is still not on my side. In fact, I'm finding that time zips by faster than ever. And although I've made this discovery, I'm still under the illusion that by not-working I'll be able to make-up for the missing time and get the things I put off or didn't accomplish the following day. But the joke's on me because the next day I have a bigger "to-do" list and less time. So perhaps, I think, I was better off working. At least then I had a legitimate excuse and I was paid for it.
But wait!!! The income didn't buy me time with my kids. Nor did it allow me to cook for them, help them with their homework, put them to bed at a reasonable time and have patience with them. It didn't allow me to see their delighted faces when I pick them up at school, watch them play at the park and accomplish some physical feat they never had before. And it wouldn't have let me be there when my son lost his first baby tooth.
With that said, I ask, what's the real waste?

What Are You Famous For?

Recently while I have been exploring my opportunities, that is interviewing, to my surprise I've learned that on the list of "most frequently asked" questions is, "So tell me, what are you famous for?" Taken back, the only quick-witted answer I could provide is "that depends on how you define fame." It let me off the hook, but now I realize that I need to come up with an answer to what I could possibly be famous for, or, rather, have a good reason as to why I have not gone out in the world of strategic planning and made a name for myself.
In today's business world, self-promoting seems to be the magic ingredient to any successful and sustainable career. I wonder if they are now teaching this in business school?
No longer is it about the work you do, but it's also about how you tell others or let them know about the work you do, a.k.a, self-promotion. Write a book and it tells the world that you are an expert. You have enough knowledge and confidence to say your opinion, state your beliefs and devise a winning strategy for others to follow. Have your picture taken in several photo opps and it tells people that you are indeed popular and that everyone should know you or at least want to get to know you because you're invited or attend all the right events. Get published in your career's trade magazine and you become an intellect, a person who has a point of view and is not afraid to use it.
Whatever it is that you choose to do - don't worry - you just need to choose something and make sure you're not sitting on your laurels working as a team member being another cog in the wheel; you need to become the wheel... of your fame and your fortune.

To Do & Be in New York

If you've lived in New York City for any given time, you may instantly recognize when engaging in small talk that one of the first sentences that comes out of any one's mouth is the infamous question, "So, what do you do?"
For New Yorkers, the question of "What do you do?" is a normal and an essential part of any respectable small talk. It's up there as, "Hi, my name is John, and how are you?" In fact many times, you'll find out what someone does before you catch their name.
This question may seem intrusive and forward to NY's Western or Southern-region neighbors - where the question may never arise - at least not in the first 30 seconds of a conversation, but for New Yorkers it's about being efficient. In a big city there's only a few minutes for one to size up the situation and conclusively decide if talking to that person is worth the time to pursue. Answering the question of what one does can be very telling (so it's believe).
"What do you do?," tells, whether the person has a job or not and, then, does he/she make serious cash or not. Okay, maybe that's a cynic's view but New York is an expensive place to live and to live well. On the flip side, New York is also an extremely interesting place, where one can practically do any vocation of their choice. So, with a more humane view, questioning about what people do also tells us how fascinating they are, how creative they are, how adventurous, ambitious, or wildly strange they are.
You see, when you live in NYC, you quickly realize that this is a place where one does; it's not a place for one to just easily be. There's too much stimuli. Doing is no doubt fun, exhilarating and motivating. But it can also be taxing, overwhelming, and wreck havoc on being in touch with one's natural state of just being. To just "be" in NYC is very tough. Because somehow the "do" of the city nags you, and the word, "should" forms in your thoughts. "I should be doing;" even, "I should be being" takes on an active voice. Only NYC can take being and turn it into doing.
In short, after you live in New York City, you become a doer no matter how much you try to resist it. So the question of, "what do you do?" is quite logical and sincere because once a person lives in New York City for a while, doing becomes their natural state of being.