Why Creating a Mini-me May Not be so Good.

Not that long ago on the news, the Today Show - okay, so that's my version of the news - they ran a segment about Hipster parents. An emerging trend among new parents who are determined to make their children extension of themselves, more or less. You know, cool and hip like they are. These parents are resolved not to let their newly born (or children) dictate their music tastes, TV channels or even their schedules. That's right, no generational gaps here because their kids will grow up listening to the Beatles, Counting Crows or whomever it is they like as long as it's not Barney. Instead of making a life that revolves around the kids, the kids' lives will revolve around the parents.
This made a lot of sense to me about seven years ago as my hub and I were impending the birth of our first child. We had the similar thought that our child wasn't going to change or rather wreak havoc and stymie our lifestyle. No, we were determined to make that little person malleable and fit into our schedule versus the other way around.
Although we were happy about our yet-to-be-born son, we were still under this very naive and false selfish pretense about what it meant to have a baby. In some way, we (well, at least myself) viewed our baby as a house guest. Only, he was going to be a permanent one because his house was also our house and this scared the heck out of me.
I remember the first time I opened up the closet door to our yet-to-be-born son's room, which at the time I still labeled it our second bedroom, and saw his baby clothes hanging there. It was strange mix of disbelief and reality seeing all this baby stuff occupying the space that had solely been ours. Somehow it felt like an invasion.
No matter how much love we had for our permanent visitor, he was not going to be taking over our lives as we knew it, nor our household. At that time I recall not even wanting a crib right away. I viewed it as unwarranted clutter for a newborn since I was aware that they either sleep on your chest or in a bassinet. I was going to be a minimalist and only wanted the core necessities pertinent for each stage.
Just like those "Hipster parents" I thought I had it all figured out. Our baby and subsequent ones, would be like us - our mini-extensions who would do as we do, sleep when we sleep, eat when we eat and eat what we eat, and wouldn't even watch TV(although we do).
We believed this would enable our child to be adaptable and comfortable with the unstructured life. I mean we were happy with being ourselves and our spontaneous lives so why wouldn't our kids be happy being like us and living the way we do.
Because... kids are not us. They are not mini-adults no matter how hip and cool we dress them. They have their own needs, preferences and agendas. And when it comes to schedules, they do need their own, based on their developmental needs. Although these schedules might seem like a lock-down for us, it gives our kids a routine they can depend on, a feeling of control that helps ignite the process of self-regulation - which actually provides them with an understanding of who they are and what they need. In turn, this is what helps them to become people who can accommodate change and be more flexible humans after all.
It has only taken me seven years to learn all this. Too bad, for my children and myself, I didn't know it before. Life may have been easier, less stressed and more enjoyable.
But, I know it now, and as I look back I understand that I thought having my child be who I was - was okay - and sure I do like myself and life to say, "what's wrong with that? That's cool." However, what I have realized is that being who they are is much better than okay or even cool - it's extraordinary watching your child be exactly their own unique self.
So my message to all these newly hipster parents of yet-to-be-born and newborns is that when someone sends over the Wiggles DVD, dance and sing with your kids - it's okay. It won't deafen their ears to appreciate "our" music or create huge generational gaps. We parents can do that all by ourselves - by not truly appreciating and listening to who are kids are and what they prefer because we are still intent on making them appreciate and listen to who we are and what we prefer.